Fusion Confusion
by An Preson Peepul
Summary: So this is a story based around the gems changing genders whenever they fuse. What does that have to do with anything at all? Actually, to be completely honest I'm not too sure myself. Also this is one of those things that you probably shouldn't take too seriously otherwise you end up going off in a reverse explosion.
1. Tres

forward and backward: tHis wholE story is centered around the simpLe concePt of when geMs combinE, they change gender. "how does that change anything?" i hear you asking, and to that i say: "well, it doesn't change much. it just changes a small bit of absolutely everything." now, i see all of you reaching for your pitchforks and torches, but let me explain something first; this thing was not meant to make fun of the pancakes in any way, shape or form. if you still want to burn me at stake after that, then i'll let you know that by the time you're finished reading this, i will have already gotten a hefty head start. we good?

oh yeah and i don't think i own steven universe.

* * *

So our story starts off with the main character going in the Hhous. (Who is the main charactEer? It's Steven, dum dum. What are you, 9?) When stebon goes inside, PearLl sees him and says "Hai Kewrb-Schtebon Ukneeversity hon hon hon. How is school"

Pearl, as of now, is french because for some reason changing genders then changing back messes uPp your nationality. Also Stebon goes to school because at one point in tiMmEe some gem got their nationality changed to a bat, so they went to a duck and... uh... (hey what's that?)

So the duck's baby became a woman who was 🏳️ 🌈way gay🏳️ 🌈 named Charlie Ukneeversity Brown, later shorted to Charlei y Ukneeversity. This is the guy who invented the Yukneeversity, and when she did that everyone loved him, but that is why Schteven goes to school to live to his namesake because his Ancestor invented college.

The ball stew says "it good me hungree were is cooky tigers"

And the pearls sed "It ded."

Coockie cat was renamed to cooki tigers because when Rose quartz saw the name she got offended because at the time her nationality was cat and she's also from space, and she claimed it "misrepresented" her species so she time traveled to the cookie bat hq and forced them to make it cookie tiger because those aren't from outer space.

So scthebon goes to noooooooooo dot com (that's an actual site, no joke) and pressed the button. Now he is soups sad :,( and he is about to turn into a rain cloud and go away when Armpit does the divine intervention.

"Yo mans peace." she sad in terrible grammar holding a i Save the redwoods /i sign. "We got the last jedi cookiy tigger."

An Stchebon goes yaya :D He wants to run over to the purple thing but he trips over a toaster because whitie-tightie was a tree at one point and trees are ultra destructive slobs who knock over everything in kitchens.

"How da peck that get here?" pearly said, confuddled."and why is there electified water on the floor?" (oh yeah steven landed in that so he supes dead)

"oh its cause when you were an electric eel you had this weird bloodlust for everything electrical and almost ate all of our electric cables," Artpit sed. "In fact, I don't think its worn off yet."

"What?" Pearli axed, her mouth full of the electric wires she just tore from the gaping hole in the ceiling she just broke open. "No it dont"

"Good think Garnet is coming to replace everything thoug" thug amythyst said.

Unfortunately for everyone in the world she forgot that Garnet was currently a leeroy jenkins, so when manly Garnet entered, he shouted "LEEROY JENKINS!" crashing through the window, carrying a bunch of live electric wires that she tore from a high wire that she also jumped through. As she ran in the hous, hoever, she tripped on thetoaster, losing grips on the live wires and throwing them up into the hole pearls tore in the roof, causing a big explosive and everyone dieded.

* * *

Haugh haugh I is evil for putting cliffhangers

(Those aren't cliffhangers you nimwit you ended the story)

{No I didn't. I didn't write "The End" so it's open ended and is a cliffhanger}

(No it isn't)

{STUFU you don't know anything}


	2. Ni

oh (no) hey thIs thing is back. i didn't abandon it like i did with everything else. (they're not abandoned. they're either finished or on hold for the tiMe being because of larger projects)

in case anyone was wondering wHat was the kind of stuff I take; i actually don't take anythinG. tHis is just me really late at night. in the day i usually appear perfectly sane, but after 11 it's usually all crazy laughter and ideas like THIS. (i suppOse that's why i don't stay up late ofteN)

i tHink sOmeone might have asked if i owned sTeven universe the other day.

this thing is reCOmmended by -64 doCtOrs out of 42 dentists.

* * *

"I gwanna see a giant wowom0n."

"Nowe."

The greatest trIio of all tiMme, balls, pearly-wHhIite and purple walked up the stupid stairs of temple.

"HEWO I IS GANNNET!" Gannadonf arivvvvved! Ganny frwoned..

"ARMPOT U SLAKIN OFF AGgOIN?"

Fried pot notted. SHhe lOooked mug. Mugged. m

Ugger...

"AH CALL DE PELO POLISE!" ShiNny whitegoku said

Rrrrrrrolling Bback to beforEe becausEe those lines weRre written by my sister, the greatest trio of Aall time, walked up stairs to the sky rappiNng arounDd a very tall stick tHhat ws warped directly abOove Tthe house beCcause everyone was too lazy to walk to the spire. Granny told them they need to find Beetle from Kubo, who was on the tHhing inspired by the sky.

Armrest accidentally tOold SCchtebOon about teaLl opAal and now is conTtantly tEelling squidward and Amythist he wanys to see him.

Eventually after ignoring steven they get to the top of the spinning top, which had a floor made of clouds. In fact, the entire thing was supposed to be made of clouds so they have been walking on clouds for a long time. The Earl of P walked to the center, but when she did it was the beetle was missing.

Angri, she tunrs to Steven: "this is your fault."

"Wai (knee shungwa howda ja ju et toi?)" steven Said.

"You trehw away my convenient beetle tracker." Pearl grammared.

"Well can't you just get a convenient beetle tracker tracker thoug?" Steven said again.

"Oh yeah i forgot."

"(lol ttyl gtg brb nvm) Yo mans it ain't cool to argue bro" Armpit sad, forgetting that they weren't arguing right now.

"But if you say dat then you a hippoguy-crit" Stchebon says.

"Nuh-uh," Amethyst sayd then she dabbed and bittle flipped pearly spring water seltier. ("YO OHHHHHH")

"Wand why are we finding this weird beetle anyway?" STEVEN AXED with his trusty crystan gems axe.

"Beaucse if the evil guys get it, they will do bad things and that's very bad." Pearl said.

"But ther are not evil guys," Steven correct-coursed. "We aren't even bast the 50 episodes of filler yet."

"Also the beetle is soups deadly," exPearlsition said. "It can adjust the temperature around it to the temperature of different places in the atmosphere. It can change the temperature to the thermos sphere and burn everything or it can go to the cold one and freeze everything." (MY sister: It can eat our president trump in 3948273 bites and when it fats it can kiwlthe whole word. So yeah, also it makes the dabbin gods rain from da ski.)

"Ya bro, where did you thing all the icicles your're chewing on came from? And w ear bebes cme fom man? SAve the frickin treewoods?" Amysthist said with a fidget spinner made of ice.

"I'm not chewing on an icicle, said" steven as he chewed on an icicle. Then the icicle popped off and he was sad so Pearly picked (her nose) it up.

"Well I couldn't find my beetle tracker tracker," Pearl said, "but I found this bird seed. Maybe I can go shopping in me becuse i am a convenience store to buy a beetle tracker tracker."

Suddenly, yellow appeared, chowed half the birdseen and pushed steven off a cliff made of cloudes. No biggie though, because it's all clouds, right? Wrong, because stEVen landed in a cooking pot but survived because he is a Mary Sue. (I mean, there was a big cloud of steam above the pot that broke his fall)

So the big Bird flies down and gets the Hag's Ladle, and uses "Into the Pot!" you go on Steven and starts brewing him. mmMMm spicy Stevens. Grossy stevens too.

Then a big mans with longue hair and a Jack-o-Lantern face bursts in, screaming "SOEM ODY ONE DAY SCOLD ME DA URTH WAS GONNA ROLL MOI! AHAHAHAHAHA!" with a torch over 75% bright so the Hag was suprisesd /!\ (Oh yeah, Opal's a guy now, in case you didn't read the summary)

Opal used a birdseed tracker made of birdseed to track the seed inside his belly. When Opal burst in, he was singing in the rain, but when he saw Steven, his face twirled around and became Amethyst.

"Not radical," he said. "The hippei kid we don't care about is gonna get baked yo but what the peck is that?"

Then his face transformed into Pearl and said "Let's scan it with the pokebrick." So she got the icicle that she still had and put it up to the shiny on her forehead. A tiny pearl popped out, and took the icicle, before she gave back a convenient pokedex and said "dank yoy come again :)"

Pointing the pokedex at the bird, the pokedex spouted out like a teapot "Big Berd, the Big Bird pokemon: It's Big Bird you dum dum."

Suddenly Big Bird animorphs into the Shrieker because it saw the shiny thing and goes to grab it. teal Opal uses her bow to whip it cause it's a bow tie, but the Shrieker dodges it becuase it is a FRIGGIN DODGE BE-peck. (*cough cough* salty about Shrieker *cough cough*) Then it turns back into Big Bird from Sesame Street and goes again becaus D. This time Opal hits it with Stevens' Crystal gems axe that he also dropped, and kilt it.

No, it didn't poof. It died.

Then the opal carves a crystal fountain out of its crystal corpse because showing respect for dead people is overrated. He punches the pot, and it tips over just as Steven is at Death's Door, and it spills him out.

From the fountain flies out the magic Heaven beetle glowing all yellowy and stuff.

Opal's face transforms into the Jack-o-Lantern face and starts singing maniacaly "We did it! We did it! We did it, yay! Alithemo! We did it! Ahahahahaha!"

Then Opal goes Amethyst again and said "Yo, tho we still need to be aware of more of the totally cringey hazordus hazards and cringe like eating the beetle, like Steven is doing right now."

"Im not eatin anything, duh, Im on a bug free diet?" Stchebon asks while he's eating the heaven beetle.

Someone drags over angry eyebrows on the heaven beetle to show that it's mad, and it starts dropping the temperature around it to the temperature of the cold-sphere or whatever it's called.

Opal goes Pearl and said "Oh noes" and freaks out, grabbing the beetle from Schtebon's mouth and throws it into the fountain with a slam dunk.

"Wow that's so spacey" Steven said wiwth stars, the sky, the moon, the sun, all the reast of the planets, and planet rosey quartzie in his eyes because cool alien crystal fountain. He walks up to it and climbs up it, but he slips on a really smooth surface because remember it's crystal, activating the fountain. He leans over the pie hole of the fountain, becuase he is curios to see what weird alien thing it will do, but then it blasts him with cold air.

Stchebon turns to RNGsus, who tells him "Peck you." So when Steven gets hit it deals the Deathblow! And now he died. But that isn't the only problem, because clouds are made of gas, and gas is supposed to be warm. When the fountain erupted in ice, however, it cooled the clouds, instantly turning it to ice, and since ice is solid it doesn't float, so Opal, the fountain, and everyone else fell down from the sky onto the house it was directly on top of, causing it to go kaboom and everyone died, execpt the Michael Baysexuls, they dont really care.

Asexual ball: I dont weally kare.

The end. :,)

* * *

Oh boy we are reaching the final chapter of this arc. Are you excited? (This thing doesn't even have an arc you nimwit. but yeah, next one's the last one) Or is it?

Side note: So once when my family was watching Rise of the Guardians, this film from 2012 (and if you don't know what that is, look it up) there's this scene near the end when Santa's Sleigh comes down from the sky and elf pulls an easter egg out from the sleigh's path so it wouldn't be crushed. My sister came up with this story idea in which the elf doesn't save the egg in time so it gets crushed and the elf becomes the villain of the next movie. This story was created on the philosophy from that stupid story idea, which is "make a small change to an aspect of a story that doesn't matter at all and blow it out of proportion."


	3. Yí

Oh boi it's the finale! I'm so hyped!

(You appear to be the only one buddy)

1: *angr issues*

Rated R for Referential

I looked it up. I definately don't own Steven Universe.

* * *

One day in tuibbelete lnad, the cristal jems discovered another sppoky tower to the sky made of lots of blox like in bloxblox.

"Wai is that thing?" stevon asked.

Grammar notted. " you Remember (Me Though I have to travel far) (Tubbie) TV?"

"(peck) ya i remember tubby TV1" sTCHTeven exclaimed with a 1 instead of a question mark.

"Well," Grante said, "it's liek that (snooping as usual, I see) on your moving picture box, but it's not because it's a nuclear reactor."

"You can see this because of the nuclear bombs on it," Amythist said.

"I can see" Stebon said snarcastically.

"Just doing my jobz, " armRest rheed "Cauz I'm CAPTAIINNNNNNNN MiDN-(Obvious, I mean. Captain Obvious)"

"We need to distray it before it gets destroyed." Garnet sad. :( "We need saggy baggy." (In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure that was how one of my sisters remembered Sugilite)

"But why npt go to white and form the smexy one?" steveN asks.

Then Squidward walked over like a duck except she was saying "hon" instead of quacking.

"Oh, it's because she's a duk now," Artpit saids.

"Ame-thost" barrel gem says. "Don't forgot is also She's francais(e){s} now too/ she's even saying croissant."

To demonstrate, Pearl pecked with her chicken nose and said kwoisont.

"No dum dum," pruple says. "She's just saying what she's eaating." Then she kicks up the sand in pearls face, and Pearl goes "MY EYES!" revealing the croissoant underneath. (plot twist) *spoilers BTW*

Then, Amethyost throws her under a bus I mean throws a baguette under a bus/Pearl and she starts saying "Bagguette."

"See?" she says. "Totally not frenche."

"You hammer-phobic!" Granite says though, with angri eyes. "You called my phone dum dum."

"It's just a prank bro." Amythist says.

"O oK," Garknit says, well I c in my futur vision that sugarlit is going to destory everything."

"Dat bad?" Stevon axed because all he's done is asks the questions?

"Tres mal." Pearly frenched before she remembered that she was just a convenience store last time and went back to ducking around.

""NAH IT"S PROBABLY NOThIN!" Gander goose sad happy. "Not get the metal weilding thing and fuse."

"Its gonna burn," Amethist said. Someone screamed in the background "YOU JUST GOT ROASTED"

So they fused with lots of bright light s and sparks. Steven didn't wear a welding mask so he burnted and his eyes were burned too. Pearul just regrew her visual sphericals.

When they redeid, there was a biggie metal thing there called AMAZO. I mean Sugilite but it's a rodot.

"BEEP BOOP BEEP I AM A ROBOT I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING BEEP BOOP BEEP" said sugleelite. Then he turned to the nuclear thing behind her held up by nuclear bombs. "CRUSH! KILL! BLEEP!"

Then, he whips out a whip which is also flypaper and gets everywhere (ew you got sugullite everywhere) and grabs a ton of nuclear bombombs

But she A CC ID EN TA LL Y crushed pes begautte.

Pearl pelo gasps and is mad }}}}}}}:::::((((((((( (oh no vewy bad)

She says "Stchebon. We go."

"Okay stranger," he repliered. So they go bace to the HOUS. OH BOI!11!1

Back home in the place where they belong, Stevon goes "I wanna be Buff De de de like Sully from monsters INc."

"But pearl says" nowe. sHe is a very bad man.

But steve is mad so he helicopters away. He FLAAAAAYS AWAAAAAAAAAY!

Now Pearl is said. She sings a dumb song about bean stronker that them suggul-lite and becomes happi because now she knows that Halloween is about trick-or-teating with fwends. And also she's stronker dan the sulgi even though she is not Sugulite is superiour internet wafu. (MediExcalibur2012 has this really funny way of saying that word)

So shegoes downstairs but her necklace falls on the stars. She then pulled out a catapult from her pearl necklace because she wants to fly into the sun because A: She's a duck and B: She wants a dramatic ending.

Then suddenly a giant door appeared. Some dude axed the door a question and popped their head through like in the shinning all "HERE's JHONNY! :]" like.

"I AM ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE! ROBOT NOISES!" he said.

And pearl was sp00ked. Because now she knows that she has noodle arms.

Schtebon pooped out of hiding and said "you can do it because you are stronker than her in the real world (way)" and his eyes absorb the universe

Pearl say "Why you say that? Why you know that? You stalking me man?"

"I watch you while you sleep." Stevene responds. O_O

"So" pearl says "You're going down to the ground man. I am stronger than you cause I'm made of lov"

Steven gwanna joined them, but since he is blind he trips on pearls necklace from when she got Martha Wayne'd and falls down and goes SPLAT like in the board game on the catapult. Because pearl was totes not french she put a baguette on the catapult just in case she chickened out as a duck so she would still have motivation to just do it, but when steven became dead on it it launched on the beach.

Sugilite didn't see where she was going so when he tried to punsh purl saying "HASTA LA VISTA! FELIZ NAVIDAD! HASTA GAZPACHO!" she tripped and the chain chomp she was holding which still had a ton of nukes stuck on it flew around the world.

Parel sees her baguette destroyed and becomes mad because sugliite still was able to "attack" ehr with his finger so she instantly summons a billion clones of herself and they all start pecking (oh no) Sugulute.

"I AM A ROBOT! I RUN ON AMERICAN JOBS!" the big one said. "I RUN ON BLOOD! I TAKE JOBS FROM AMERICAN VAMPIRES!"

And then they somehow fused without a welding machine into alexander the great's horrible, no good, very bad day and she say "Oh hey! I'm femal again! :3"

But as they were "fighting" (but not really because I think we all know that cuccos are OP) everyone forgot about the big clump of nukes flying around the world. Said clump of nukes just so happened to land back in the exact same place, so it fell on Alexanderright. There was a big kablooie.

And everyone died. For realsies.

And they ain't coming back this time. (Okay, maybe they will, but it'll take some time)

* * *

 _Country road, t_ _ake me home_

 _To the place_ _I belong_

 _West virginia, mountain momma_

 _Take me home, country road._

* * *

The reviews are in:

Pons: x why? -1000 (just, why?)

Endorsment time ;) -90

My sister: *crying* (probably from beauty)

My other sister: Beautiful. Ten panda heads out of three

My sister: RAAAAAAa-

My brother: what

My grandfather: (something in forgein language. Probably something about how it's so beautiful and not how he's glad he can't see this)

My doog: floof

My guinea pig: :3

Glorious Saint Nicholas the third Esquire: chirp


	4. Zéro

Oh yeah, my sister wrote a bonus chapter for this.

* * *

So, wonce apond a tim, there wear 123645632288900038 keatures kalled Gemmies. They were also kalled gummies. So they were lead by trois leaders. Diamond-colored Diamond, Pee Diamond, and Tan Diamond. Won day, naked Diamond decided to be kool with a k and donated kars4kids by using barp pad wit her bad influence punk pearl. She looked at a plant she wanted to kill named pluto. Earth in japanese. And she cried like a baby when she saw a hooman eating water. She decided to NOT kill E4rth. But blew diamond was mad because everything was her buisness. She blue her nose hairs and punk diamond. Punk dimomd died. SO did rad pearl. De end. Yah.

I lieded. It not the end. So, wheat dim-ond was mad. So she ate eart. But wait, she is punkie's pearl.. The realzies end

* * *

In case you didn't catch anything because you have over 200 IQ, there's this new headcanon that whenever a diamond does something of relating to their namesake, there will be a drastic change in the gem race, so when Blew Diamond blue her nose (hairs) this entire story was set into motion. Backstory's important people.


End file.
